Boom!
by Andrew Joshua Talon
Summary: Or, Bonding over Explosives is Fun! Naruten, ongoing series. Please R&R.
1. Fire One

_Boom!_

Or,_ Bonding over Explosives is Fun!_

A Naruto one shot by Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I don't own it, and I'm not making any profit from it. It's just for fun.

Author's Note: This takes place after Naruto's return with Tsunade, but before the anime Tea Country filler arc.

- - -

Tenten sighed. Another day, another training session…

Another game of 'How many kunai can Neji and Lee dodge before I run out?'

"YOSH! Closer this time, Tenten-san! Closer! You can do it!"

One of the few times Tenten was glad about Neji's reticent and silent nature was during target practice. She didn't need him adding to her irritation by commenting on how many times she'd failed to hit him.

_Perfect accuracy my butt…_ As much as Gai might occasionally brag about her incredible marksmanship, it was only as useful so far as directing her weapons exactly where she wanted them to go.

If her target was moving fast enough, it made things a bit more difficult.

Another salvo and she managed to cut Lee on the cheek. Neji once again danced out of the way just in time. His movements were always so graceful, so perfect.  
_  
Like a ballerina…  
_  
The mental image of Neji pirouetting in a pink tutu made it a struggle to keep a straight face. It did, however, allow just one of her kunai to hit Lee right in the leg as he leaped into the air. Unfortunately, it struck right on one of his weight sets, bouncing off and flying away into the trees.

"D'OWWWW!"

Tenten paused. So did Lee and Neji.

"SON OF A-OWWWW!"

Tenten moved instinctively, rushing off through the trees to find whoever she'd accidentally skewered.

Bursting out of the trees onto a rocky river shore, Tenten's keen eyes easily spotted a loud, orange, person-shaped object lying among the stones, gripping his blonde head.

"Oh my God, are you all right?" She cried, rushing over.  
_  
Please, don't let me have hit him in the eye! Please!  
_  
That would be all she needed, sending a stray kunai right into someone's eye socket.

Stooping down, she put comforting hands on the screaming boy's arms.

"Calm down, it's okay! Let me just see…"

The boy's cries quieted slightly, and his arms relaxed. Tenten carefully pulled his hands away from his face. To her infinite relief, the kunai wasn't lodged in his eye socket.

There wasn't a kunai at all. Just a big welt on the boy's whiskered cheek. She blinked.

"Naruto?" Tenten asked incredulously. Sure, there were only a few people in the village who wore orange, but still! Not recognizing him?  
_  
It's just the stress, that's all…  
_  
Naruto groaned and blinked at her.

"Oh! You're… Um…"

"Tenten," she reminded him. "I'm on Neji's team?"

"Oh! Right! I remember you!" Naruto raised his arm up to wave a greeting. "Hey Neji! Hey Lee!"

"YOSH! Naruto-san, it is good to see you my rival!" Lee cheered. "Also, that you are not seriously harmed!"

Neji merely nodded to Naruto. "Naruto."

"Oh, um… I guess this is yours," Naruto winced, reaching over his head to retrieve the kunai. Tenten took it, blinking a bit in disbelief.  
_  
It hit him in the temple…The blunt part…  
_  
No wonder some people had been naming him "Luckiest Ninja Alive", if even half the stories about him were true.

"At least you are all right, Naruto-san!" Lee grinned, giving a thumbs up. Neji sighed at the irony. The blunt end of a kunai knocking Naruto down, where the 64 Palms couldn't?

Tenten's eyes looked about and spotted some brushes, ink, and pieces of paper near where Naruto lied. Picking up one piece of paper, her hand began to shake as she looked it over. Naruto sat back up, blinking at the intensity of Tenten's stare at one of his seals.

"N-Naruto… This is…"

"Oh, yeah!" Naruto exclaimed with a grin. "I'm working on seals!"

"Seals?" Asked Neji, raising an eyebrow. Naruto nodded.

"Yeah, Ero-Sennin finally gave me more cool stuff to learn. Though it's a bitch to figure out," Naruto admitted. He shrugged.

"Right now, I'm working on explosive tags!"

Lee and Neji's expressions morphed. The Green Beast's eyes widened as his smile became extremely strained, while the Hyuuga genius's eyebrows went way up, and he looked even more tense than usual.

Naruto felt warm breath hitting his cheek and turned his head to the source. Wide, warm brown eyes greeted him.

"Bwah!" He yelped, scooting back slightly on his butt. The gravel hurt, but this was ignored in favor of the radiant, and slightly manic smile on Tenten's face.

"_Explosive_ tags, you said?" She asked, like a little girl whose parents had sprung for that pony. Neji coughed.

"Well, we had better get back to training-"

"Yosh! My youthful energies cry out for struggle! Let us go, Neji-!"

The two male members of Team Gai headed away, as though fleeing. Naruto watched them leave, and then slowly turned his head back to Tenten, who was still smiling at him. He blushed slightly at the intensity of her gaze.

"Explosive tags? You know… How to make them?" Tenten asked, almost breathlessly. Naruto grinned. Neji and Lee's weird behavior was almost immediately forgotten. She actually seemed… Interested! Impressed, even!

"Yeah! It's not so hard after enough practice," Naruto went on. He pulled a sheet of random paper from the pile by the shore, took up the brush, and quickly and efficiently drew the seal. Focusing, he injected a fair amount of chakra into the sheet, transforming a previously harmless scrap of paper with a few symbols drawn on it into a potentially lethal explosive.

"Nicely done!" Tenten enthused, snatching the tag from him and looking it over. Naruto blinked. True, he may not seem to pay a lot of attention to stuff around him, but he did recall something about Tenten…

"Wait… Don't you make your own sealed scrolls?" Naruto asked. Tenten nodded.

"Oh yes, definitely! I make them all on my own!"

"Really? That's cool!" Naruto enthused. A stray thought occurred though, urged by the slightly uneasy feeling he'd developed at Neji and Lee's departure.

"Um… Well, wait. If you can do that… Can't you make explosive seals too?"

Tenten shook her head, sighing as she held the tag to her chest.

"Oh no… Gai-sensei won't let me make explosive tags. Never let me learn."

"Why not?" Naruto asked, blinking.

Tenten couldn't help but recall the incident that had led to her sensei banning her from anything remotely explosive in nature.  
_  
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DIE YOU BASTARDS! DIIIIEEE, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

_The bandit camp was already in flames, said former occupants mostly running and screaming. But still the madly cackling girl threw kunai wrapped in explosive tags, her laughter billowing up with the smoke from the constant explosions._

_The male members of Team Gai stared, all sharing the same look of disbelief and slight fear, as Tenten went utterly postal on the targets of their first C-Rank mission._

_Neji easily noticed this and quickly tried to regain his usual indifferent look. Which was really, really difficult when his composure was being disrupted by either another explosion, or Tenten's frightening laughter._

_"Uh… She is… Most youthful, is she not Gai-sensei?" Lee offered tentatively._

_Gai slowly nodded, wondering just where he'd missed this in Tenten's school file… Just before a stray exploding kunai flew towards Lee. It ignited in mid-flight, the spark reflected in Lee's widening eyes._

_"GAI-SENS-!"  
_  
KABOOM!  
_  
"Huh?" Tenten paused her mad cackling long enough to turn around. "Hey guys, what was-? Oh… Eh heh… Um, h-hello, Gai-sensei…"_

_She smiled nervously as a most unhappy, disheveled no-longer-Green Beast glared at her, two unconscious and debris-covered genin behind him._

_It took Lee three months to grow his eyebrows back.. he'll probably never forgive her for it…  
_  
"… No reason!" Explained Tenten with a nervous laugh. "But… Do you possibly think we could… Test it out?"

Naruto blinked, and shrugged. "Sure! But what on?"

The two ninja hummed thoughtfully. Tenten's eyes wandered to the river. A fish jumped out of the stream, splashing in the sunlight. It was a tranquil, picturesque scene with the rich, green forest as a background.

Naruto's stomach growled. He blushed slightly and put his hand behind his head, laughing in mild embarrassment.

"Heh… I guess it's lunch time… Well, I'm going to go get some ramen. Would you like to come?"

Naruto blinked when he received no response. Tenten was still staring at the river. Her eyes slowly turned back to Naruto, and she grinned.

"Actually… Naruto, have you ever had fish cooked on an open fire?"

Naruto blinked again.

"Well yeah... We could catch some, I guess."

Naruto stood up to go into the river, but Tenten put a hand on his wrist, stopping him. He turned his head to look at her, noting that her eyes had gained a slightly manic glint.

"No... I've got a_better_ idea..."

- - - - - - - - - -

"Naruto! Naruto, where are you?" Sakura shouted, irritation coloring her voice. Walking nearby, Sasuke scowled as Kakashi leisurely walked behind him, reading Icha Icha Paradise as usual.

"Don't see why we need the idiot," the Uchiha survivor snorted. "No hard missions today."

"We need all members of our cell before we can take missions, you know that Sasuke," Kakashi reminded him. Sakura sighed. She wouldn't have minded alone time with Sasuke, but if they needed Naruto, they needed Naruto.

The tranquility of the wooded road was disrupted when two familiar Green Beasts and an equally familiar Hyuuga genius crashed through the trees through the path.

"We don't have a moment to lose, Lee!" Gai cried as they completely ignored Team Seven and rushed on by.

Kakashi blinked. Gai hadn't noticed him. He hadn't stopped to challenge him.

Something was up.

"C'mon," he stated, shoving his book into his pouch and rushing after Team Gai. Sasuke and Sakura followed, their curiosity piqued as well.

"Gai! What's up?" Kakashi asked as he easily caught up with Gai, still rushing through the trees. The spandex-wearing jounin spared Kakashi a most serious glance.

"No time to talk, my rival! We have an emergency!"

"What emergency?" Kakashi asked, all business now.

"Your most youthful student, Naruto, is learning how to make explosive seals," Gai stated. Kakashi blinked.

"Okay…?"

"And he is no doubt talking with Tenten, one of my wonderful students, you remember her do you not?" Gai asked. Kakashi thought about it.  
_  
Bunned girl. Weapons specialist. Got her ass kicked by that fan-wielding girl from Sand.  
_  
"I'm failing to see why this qualifies as an emergency," Kakashi stated, as both partial teams emerged at Gai's destination – A broad, gravelly river bank.

Gai's breath hitched. Lee whimpered and covered his eyebrows with his hands. Neji twitched.

Sasuke saw the idiot they'd been looking for, along with the bun-haired weapons specialist, standing in the middle of the river, dropping a wrapped kunai into the water. They both turned and ran as fast as they could, and wore identical grins.

"… Oh shit," Kakashi muttered. Sakura blinked, realizing what was going on only after Lee, Gai, Neji, and her sensei had hit the dirt, hands over their heads.

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Naruto and Tenten cheered, just before the river seemed to bulge and leap out of it's bed with a very loud _KABOOM!_

"AUGHHH!" Sakura screeched as torrents of water mixed with river rocks crashed down upon her, knocking her off her feet and right into Sasuke. The Uchiha heir fared little better, a rock beaning him right in the head and sending him down for the count with his pink-haired fangirl on top.

After the man-made rain had ceased, Kakashi opened his single visible eye. He got back on his feet, noting that Gai had shielded Neji and Lee with his body. The Hyuuga genius immediately scooted away, shuddering from the close contact with his sensei.

"You are all right, rival? Lee? Neji?" Gai asked seriously. Neji nodded, twitching slightly. Lee gave a thumbs up, his other hand double checking that his large brows were intact. Kakashi turned and checked on his own students.

Sakura was fussing over an unconscious Sasuke. Nothing new there.

A familiar excited whoop caught his attention, and he turned to see Tenten and Naruto, standing amid a large number of stunned fish. Both were soaked, both had scratches and bruises that probably resulted from rocks that had rained down on them from the blast, and both looked more than a little disheveled…

Yet both were grinning and laughing like lunatics.

"Oh man, that was awesome!" Naruto cheered. Tenten grinned and impulsively kissed Naruto, making the jinchurikki's eyes bug out almost comically.

She released his lips, breathing hard. Her cheeks glowed.

"…Let's do it again!" Tenten enthused. Naruto grinned.

"YEAH!"

"NO!" Everyone else bellowed.

Save for Sasuke, but he was a bit busy being unconscious while Sakura proceeded to molest him. Inner Sakura grinned wickedly.  
**  
Thank you, Naruto! This is the best day of my life!  
**  
- - -

Thus, a long running question a few people had had questions about was answered: Why didn't Tenten use explosive kunai in her battle against Temari?

The answer was simple: Gai forbade her from having anything to do with explosives, because Tenten gets a little… Carried away when she had access to massive firepower.

Actually, that was an understatement. She loved explosions. Loved them, wanted them, enjoyed every aspect of them, and more or less had an incredible fetish for anything that went boom.

Which easily explained why she essentially raped Naruto in public right after he showed her his _Bunshin Daibakuha no Jutsu_ (Great Clone Explosion technique).

Not that he really minded by that point... But that's another story.

- - -

_Short, rather pointless, but something that seemed funny to me. Plus, I need to keep writing and reading if I'm to break my writer's block regarding Key Through the Heart._

_Please review._


	2. Fire Two

_Boom!_

Or,_ Bonding over Explosives is Fun!_

A Naruto two shot by Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I don't own it, and I'm not making any profit from it. It's just for fun.

Author's Note: Well, you guys talked me into it. I've decided to write a few more additions to this story as I work around my writer's block. This is just the first. Enjoy...

--

The Kyuubi container made this ridiculously easy, Itachi reflected. He and his apparent girlfriend had traveled to a nearby town to enjoy a festival, and now were on their way back to Konoha on the open road.

Miles away from any possible help.

It was perfect. Utterly perfect.

"Halt, Naruto."

The blond turned around with the brown-haired girl, Itachi noting the honest surprise on their faces. Good - There was no way this was a trap. And even if it was, it would not fool two members of Akatsuki.

"We have you now," Kisame grinned. "Come quietly and we'll let your girlfriend go unharmed."

Naruto scowled. "C'mon guys... I'm on a date! Can't we do this whole fight to the death thing later?"

Itachi raised an eyebrow. The girl was looking incredibly anxious, clutching Naruto's arm with one hand while the other held a jar of what appeared to be orange-colored candies. Fitting, considering the jinchurikki's penchant for the color.

"Fight to the death?" Kisame asked, amused. Naruto shrugged.

"Look... Before we do anything, can't we just... I dunno... Sit down, have a talk? Share some candy?"

The girl hesitantly offered the jar. Itachi frowned. The Kyuubi container was acting very oddly. Very oddly indeed. Rather than fear, he seemed annoyed.

Still, it was not as if he could actually present a challenge to them.

Kisame glanced at Itachi, who glanced back. Kisame grinned.

"Well... Why not?" Kisame asked. He held out a hand. "Toss it here, girl!"

The girl tossed it to Kisame, and as it flew through the air, Itachi activated his Sharingan to scan for anything unusual in it.

His eyes widened.

"Kisame, no-!"

Both Naruto and the girl grinned evilly. _"MUSHROOM CLOUD NO JUTSU!"_

The explosion could be heard and seen for miles.

Back in Konoha, Naruto smirked, and happily ate some more ramen. Sakura blinked as the sound of a far-way boom was heard.

"You... What did you just do?" Sakura asked, ready to flee if it seemed that Naruto was about to explode himself.

"Simple. I have a pair of Kage Bunshin, one henged as Tenten-chan, go off to a village and have fun. And on their way back, when they met Akatsuki, they would let loose... My secret weapon."

"Which was?" Sakura asked. Naruto grinned.

"One hundred exploding Bunshin, all henged into orange balls, in a jar. Exploding all at once."

Sakura's jaw just dropped as Naruto calmly slurped the remaining broth in his bowl down. Naruto set it back on the counter with a happy sigh.

"Did Tenten know?"

Naruto was about to answer, before said weapons mistress burst into the ramen stand with a wild look in her eyes. She grabbed the surprised Naruto by the collar and roughly, passionately kissed him, before breaking it off for only a moment.

"Take me now you fucking genius you!"

Sakura's jaw hit the floor as Tenten proceeded to have wild sex with Naruto right on the ramen stand counter, Ayame looking on in envy as Old Man Ichiraku coughed and quickly excused himself.

"... Cheque please," was all Sakura could say.

--

_R&R please._


	3. Fire Three

_Boom!_

Or,_ Bonding over Explosives is Fun!_

A Naruto three shot by Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I don't own it, and I'm not making any profit from it. It's just for fun.

Author's Note: Well, you guys talked me into it. I've decided to write a few more additions to this story as I work around my writer's block. This is just the first. Enjoy...

--

"I already told you, I'm leaving!"

"I'll go with you! I'll do anything, please! Just don't!"

Sasuke scowled, the dark park sidewalk doing nothing to hide Sakura's tear-stained face.

While he... Didn't _completely_ hate Sakura, she was just part of the problem. Every person he let get close to him ended up holding him back. Naruto was getting stronger than him. Orochimaru offered power, the only hope he had of getting stronger than Itachi.

Ultimately, Sakura was just a distraction… Like Naruto. While she wasn't as bad a distraction as Naruto…

"You don't get it, do you? I have to leave! If I don't..." Sasuke's eyes widened. He slowly turned to Sakura, a snarl on his lips.

"YOU! Of course, _you're_ in it with them!"

"Huh? What-What are you talking about, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked, frightened and confused. Sasuke seized her shoulders and shook her.

He'd been losing so much ground, now he at last knew why! Sakura _wanted_ Sasuke to stay here, and to do that…!

"How long? How did you know Tenten was like that?! You knew it, didn't you? You_ knew_ she was hot for explosives, and with Naruto…!"

It all made sense! No way Naruto could have met Tenten by accident, no! It was impossible! It had to be a set up! A set up to drive him mad! MAD! Debris hitting him in the head every day! Interrupting his training! Letting his fangirls _get him!_ It was all a _conspiracy!_

"You think I'm crazy, don't you?! You think I'm nuts!" Sasuke fairly yelled. Sakura frantically shook her head.

"N-No one thinks you're cr-crazy Sasuke-kun! Maybe a little... Off? But-!"

"NO! You're in on it! You just want to get me into your clutches again, you little-!"

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

_KABOOM!_

Sasuke paled and looked up as he heard those familiar sounds. His eyebrow twitched, just a little.

"Why me?"

_WHACK!_

A piece of a burnt watermelon hit Sasuke right between the eyes. The Uchiha heir hit the ground, eyes spinning in a way that had nothing to do with the Sharingan. Sakura blinked...

Inner Sakura squealed.

**I'm buying extra ramen for Naruto for this!**

Meanwhile, in the clearing where Tenten and Naruto had just found a jutsu that turned produce into explosives...

"Aw man... We're out of things to blow up!" Naruto sighed. Tenten nodded, pouting cutely.

"I know! This sucks!"

"So what do we do now, Tenten-chan?"

"... Let's make out!"

"Wha-MMPH?!"

--

_Short, stupid, but hopefully a little enjoyable. More to come. How much more? You'll have to wait and see._

_Consider the previous chapter an AU. Just an omake for fun._


	4. Fire Four

_Boom!_

Or,_ Bonding over Explosives is Fun!_

A Naruto four shot by Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I don't own it, and I'm not making any profit from it. It's just for fun.

Author's Note: Well, you guys talked me into it. I've decided to write a few more additions to this story as I work around my writer's block. Here's another one. Enjoy...

--

Hyuuga Hinata was severely conflicted. On one hand, she was happy that Naruto was getting the affection he'd always wanted.

On the other... She wanted to kill that bitch dead for _taking her man!_ Dead dead dead!

_Calm down, calm down,_ Hinata thought to herself, sitting in her bright, cheery, Naruto themed room. She looked at her Naruto plushy for guidance.

"Oh, Plushy Naruto, what do you think I should do?"

The plushy made no noise anyone but Hinata could hear, but the Hyuuga heiress frowned at some response.

"Kill her? No... No, I couldn't. It would make Naruto-kun sad... No! No, none of that!"

She shook her head, then perked up.

"You mean... I should try to blow things up too? Oh, you're brilliant Plushy Naruto!" Hinata cuddled the plushy. "I'll go right away!"

--

_KABOOM!_

Naruto blinked and looked over at Tenten. The weapons mistress (and explosives lover) blinked back. They both looked at the unactivated exploding notes they had.

"Huh, that's weird," Naruto stated. He frowned. "Someone else must have blown something up!"

"Without us?" Tenten pouted. She stood up and grabbed Naruto's hand. "C'mon, we're going to go see!"

It wasn't very hard to find the source of the explosion. Between the screaming of one Hyuuga Hiashi running around with his long hair on fire and the general chaos around the Hyuuga compound, Tenten and Naruto arrived right where said explosion had occurred.

"Oh! H-Hello, Naruto-kun," Hinata greeted, smiling innocently in the courtyard of the compound while her father continued running around screaming "PUT ME OUT! PUT ME OUT YOU FOOLS!" and several other Hyuuga members tried to throw water over his head. Naruto stared in interest, while Tenten gazed upon Hinata with an unreadable expression.

"You caused this?" Tenten asked incredulously. Hinata nodded.

"Yes... With exploding hair spray."

"Exploding... Hair spray?" Asked Tenten, her cheeks flushing. Hinata smiled proudly.

"Yes! I just added some stuff I borrowed from Kiba to it, and it ignited the moment Father pressed down on the sprayer."

Tenten licked her lips as Hiashi continued to rush about in the background. "You... Like explosions... Too?"

Hinata nodded. "Just like Naruto-ku-MMPH?!"

"Hey Tenten-chan, maybe we should... Think... About... Exploding... Hair care... products..." Naruto trailed off. A bit of drool left the corner of his mouth as did a bit of blood from his nostrils.

"No no no! I don't-Ooooh! Oh God, don't! _NO!_" Hinata cried as Tenten proceeded to molest her. Her cheeks flushed as she saw Naruto staring at her, drooling.

_Well... Not quite what I had in mind... But him watching is good too... For now._

"WHY HASN'T ANYONE PUT ME OUT YET?!" Hiashi screamed, oblivious to his eldest daughter beginning to enjoy kinky lesbian sex with Tenten while Naruto watched.

Neji stood on the roof overhead, staring in utter disbelief, while Hanabi ate some popcorn.

"Told you Plushy Naruto was evil," the little Hyuuga girl stated.

"... Are you going to eat _all_ that popcorn?"

- - - -

_More to come, stay tuned!_


End file.
